How to Purge Your Past
by grab bag
Summary: Holes songfic about Barfbag. His past, his thoughts, the why and how, and why he's so desperate to get lil' snakey teeth in his foot.


This is another songfic about one of the D-Tent boys, and his basic story. Lucky me, there's practically nothing written about Barfbag in the book, so I had all the creative freedom I needed. This one's a little weird, so I hope I did a good job w/ it. I imagine Barfbag was kinda grateful for the snake, so tell me if the ending makes sense. I hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer: the song "Goodbye to You" was written and is owned by Michelle Branch. All Holes characters are the creation of that genius, Louis Sachar. Original characters belong to me, but you knew all this. Song lyrics are in italics.

* * *

_Of all the things I believed in,_

_I just wanna get it over with._

Lewis was digging. He'd been digging for over three months now. He'd be digging for another fifteen months. He couldn't run. He couldn't hide. He couldn't play sick. He was trapped. There was no escaping it. It was disgusting. He kept digging. He hated being caged up, like some animal. The worst part was that there was no cage. No electric fences, no barbed wire, no guards, no dogs. Mr. Sir had told them all that. It was the worst kind of restraint you could put on a person, Barfbag thought. For freedom to be so close, the one thing you desire just within reach, but being unable to attain it. That thought struck a chord, drawing up old memories. The hot sun beating down on his neck was getting to him. He kept digging.

_Tears form behind my eyes, But I do not cry, Counting the days that passed me by_.

Lewis watched his shovel perform the familiar patterns. Stab the dirt. Scoop the dirt. Throw the dirt. Stab, scoop, throw. Over and over and over again. Thinking back to before his Camp Greenlake days made the view of his shovel grow blurry. It was sort of like looking through a glass of water. This had been happening more and more often. For the past 24 days, actually. He kept digging.

Lewis knew exactly how long ago the un-cried tears had started. It started 76 days after he arrived at Camp Greenlake. Barfbag, he was good with numbers. He kept tally on a piece of wood he had stolen from B-Tent's back steps. 100 days he'd been here in total. 99 holes he'd dug at Camp Greenlake. Normally, he'd be interested in the prospect of his 99th hole. Except "99" reminded him of too many things. So he kept digging.

_I've been searching deep down in my soul. Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old._

As Lewis dug, he thought. He thought of all the people he knew before he'd gotten pulled in by the cops. He thought of Lena. Four months ago, he would've lost track of whatever he was doing when he thought of Lena. He thought of Jack. Four months ago, instead of tears filling his eyes, it would be anger when he thought about Jack. Now he didn't care about either of them. He was too busy digging.

_Feels like I'm starting all over again The last three years were just pretend_

Camp Greenlake was a clean slate. A prison nonetheless, but it gave Barfbag plenty of time to think about how stupid he had been. Three summers ago was when it started. The summer from hell. Three months ago, it had ended. And, he thought as Armpit's shovel-full of dirt covered him in filth, it had landed him in the Never-Ending Summer of Hell. He removed the extra dust from his hole, and kept digging.

_And I said Goodbye to you, Goodbye to everything I thought I knew._

Lewis had fallen like a brick for Lena. He didn't know why. It was completely irrational, and even now he couldn't make sense of it. But somehow it had happened. And Lewis was hooked. Obsessed. He would've done anything for her. He'd lost his sense of self. He was no longer Lewis. He was just another boy with a crush. He just knew he wasn't Jack.

_You were the one I loved, The one thing that I tried to hold on to._

Jack and Lena. It burned him up. They were perfect together. It wasn't Lewis and Lena. It was maddening.

_I still get lost in your eyes. And it seems that I can't live a day without you._

Lewis would sometimes try to talk to her, even though he had to be careful not to run into Jack. Lena would say only the minimal. "Hi. What's up? Not much. See you later." That was all. But even that small amount of conversation kept giving him hope, for three years.

But then one day, she proposed him a challenge.  
To dig a hole.

_Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away, To a place where I am blinded by the light._

Could she be serious? He couldn't believe she was. She wanted him to dig a hole. It was like a bet. Dig a hole, and she might go out with him. It seemed so perfect._But it's not right._ Except the hole was to be in the middle of someone's lawn.  
_  
Goodbye to you, Goodbye to everything I thought I knew. You were the one I loved The one thing that I tried to hold on to._

But it was Lena. Lena. He would do anything for her, or at least a chance for her. So he dug the hole. In the middle of the lawn they showed him. The front lawn of 99 Rattlesnake Lane.

_And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time_

He only found out later that Jack had intended the hole as a prank.  
He didn't know they would fill the hole with rotten eggs. He didn't know they would leave sufficient evidence to connect the hole to Lewis.

_I want what's yours and I want what's mine_

The rest had happened so fast. The police charged Lewis with destruction of private property, trespassing, and disturbance of the peace. The people whose lawn it was had urged for time in juvy hall. Lena and Jack told Lewis to lie and keep them out of it.

_I want you. But I'm not giving in this time_

Lewis told the truth. He had been used. He had been stupid. He apologized.  
Too bad no one believed him.  
But instead of time in jail, he could choose Camp Greenlake.  
So he did.  
Maybe jail would have been better.

_Goodbye to you, Goodbye to everything I thought I knew. You were the one I loved, The one thing that I tried to hold on to._

Lewis let it go. The second the judge's gavel hit the wood on his stand, he let Lena go. He tried to forget. He could never forget Lena, or how beautiful she was, but he realized that's all she was. A pretty face. But he just didn't care about her anymore. He knew it was his fault- he had dug the hole. He would've gotten caught for that anyway. He had done something so stupid, just because he was striving for something so pointless- Lena. Just like dreaming of freedom from this horrid place was pointless. He couldn't get out. His punishment fit the crime. Barfbag heard a rattle from somewhere above his head. How ironic that he would be digging his 99th hole, and a rattlesnake was so nearby. The hole at 99 Rattlesnake Lane was back to haunt him. He wasn't free from it. With this camp experience to live with, he doubted he would be free from that either.

_Goodbye to you, Goodbye to everything I thought I knew. You were the one I loved, The one thing that I tried to hold on to._

He wanted out. This prison was worse than his blind devotion to Lena. Here he had enough time to think about Lena everyday. He hated it. Barfbag put down his shovel. He heard a light hiss somewhere above the hole. He knew what he had to do. He took off his right shoe and sock, and hoisted himself out of his 99th hole...

"Hey, Barf, what're you doing?"

"Man, snap out of it!"

"Watch out for the snake, dude!"

"Barfbag!"

"STOP HIM, DAMN IT!!"

... It was time to leave his prison. He knew in a few hours, his delicate digestive system would help him live up to his nickname. It would be purged enough, he was sure, to earn him a one-way ticket to the nearest hospital. He thought it was kind of symbolic.  
Barfbag felt the sharp piercing of his ankle.  
That snake was now his favorite inmate.  
It would set him free.  
_  
And when the stars fall I will lie awake, You're my shooting star._


End file.
